So I've been kind of terrible at posting on here. I don't really know why; maybe because, like Kim said in a post, I tend to be introverted. I think inside my head more than is probably healthy, as weird as that sounds. I think, in a way, it stems from being an English major, which I've been pretty much since I learned to read in kindergarten. Growing up loving books and the written word can really make you an outsider, as I'm sure most of you know.
From the time I started to read, I have almost universally craved books over anything else, even the company of real, live people (my mother assures me that this is not normal). I remember how excited I would get about specific books, but how I really had no one to share them with. Eventually, I learned to keep my thoughts to myself because I could go on about books for hours, but people just looked at me strangely. It got to the point where I realized that since I was, for all intensive purposes, talking to myself, I may as well just talk to myself, a habit I have yet to break to this day.
As I got older, I found a few people who loved reading as much as I did and I was finally able to have some conversations about books. But even then, I would still rather be reading than talking. I would shut myself in my room for hours a day and just read. Because even though I had found these people, I was so used to the internal conversations and observations that I just kept at it. There was something different about the conversations, too; I read for the pleasure, but I also found myself analyzing a lot. The other people were just reading, and that was good, but it wasn't what I was doing. I was able to see and understand concepts that most others couldn't.
I guess in a way, I've always been an English teacher. But before I started my English Ed courses, no one really had a clue what I saw in books or what I was talking about when I started to analyze them. And I know that you guys see what I see and more, so I am not in any way trying to slight you. It's just when you've spent most of your life living in your head because of your passion, it's a hard habit to break even when you find others as passionate as you.
So that's kind of why I don't talk much and why I haven't really done too much on this blog. I don't know if it makes much sense. but it seemed like other people were kind of doing thoughtful rants, so I thought I'd give it a go.
Well, as you know you are not alone. I think many of us "book" junkies have those internal thoughts in our heads. I know there are many times that I am so into a book and laughing out loud or commenting out loud that my husband looks at me like I am crazy. He wants to know what I am talking about and then I start to explain it to him. I totally lose him...he has now learned to just laugh at me and ignore me. I think that is what makes blogging difficult for me as well, but more importantly, I grew up in an era that is not so technological. We didn't have all of these social networks to write our thoughts down every minute of the day. As I date myself, the www was just created when I did my undergrad. I only wrote my thoughts in a diary with a pen, and wrote notes to our friends that we folded in creative ways and had to pray the teacher would not see us passing it to our friends. What was in those notes you didn't share with the world.
ReplyDeleteSo I guess what my little rant is trying to inform you of is that you are not alone. I don't mind when you talk to yourself, because I do the same but now we are TEACHERS (woot-woot) so we have to prepare to share our knowledge with the world! (well atleast with our students).
Kristen, Love it! It reminds me of high school, where being into books was a "no-no" because you were considered uncool if you read books and ever did you homework basically. I only lasted 1 year there and that is where I was strictly into basketball and track. I did not really care about school just because all I had to do was "get through" to keep playing sports. A lot of the girls that were on my team did not get along for several months because we all came from 4 different middle schools who were now suppose to be one high school. Hmm. It was such a mind blowing experience. Then I entered Lancaster Catholic, and man o man were the first years really tough for me that I only had 1 friend. Lily Smith. We were such an outcast, or felt like it. WHich made me quiet in my classes, and I couldn't even play basketball because the girls there were not playing for the love of the game (as I always did even when my team didn't get along we all loved the game which made us closer and my freshman year we lost all but ONE game, our last game to Hemfield high. Now at Catholic, it was all about winning the title and going to Hershey to play where thousands of people would be, giving fame. I practiced and tried out, but before the last try out, my conscious told me to stop because this wasn't my cup of tea.
ReplyDeleteSo then all I had were academics to really start focusing and reading was all I could do. My and my only friend in High school ate lunch in the office because we had no other friends to really talk to at lunch. I was just happy that I at least had 1 friend. Sure I knew people and spoke to other people but they all had their cling, their groups, and I didn't want to be part of any because they all seem to be rebels to one another. Books were all we carried and read throughout high school. Which is why I lOVe reading, then I had Mrs. Schober who inspired me love reading and writing even more and look at it towards different lenses.