Sorry, I Tend to Rant

I always thought the hardest part of teaching for me would be to actually get up and teach. While it was still hard for me to actually be in front of a group and talk, I found out the hardest part is adapting. 

You have all these plans you make. You have all of these worksheets and projects you feel will help your students. But something happens and you're suddenly forced to change your schedule up or remove something from the plan. It's really frustrating. 

The other part of that is working with what you have. Now, while I was able to work around my teacher having no technology, it was frustrating and annoying because there were times I knew a youtube clip would help the students get something. For example, I was going over Puck's final speech in A Midsummersnight Dream to a group of Freshmen who had never read the play (I was teaching Dead Poets Society and the speech is very important to a character). What I really wanted to do was to show them a clip from The Animaniacs where they "translate" what is being said. While the clip is humorous, it really does get down to what the speech is saying. Since I couldn't do that, I tried breaking it down line by line with the students. It was like pulling teeth with them. And I really feel like they would have gotten it if I had shown them the clip. But I know things like that will happen, and I'll have to get over it.

What I'm really worried about is not being able to open up. I have this thing (it's rather annoying) where I feel like I'm not allowed to speak. I don't know why or when this really started, but I just have a voice in my head that says "Shut up Jess, no one wants to hear it." Needless to say, it's rather hindering and annoying. Especially when you want to teach your students to express themselves. How am I do to that when I'm too afraid to do it myself? I want to be this spontaneous and open teacher. And those who get to know me know that I have the potential to do it (I'm apparently very amusing to listen to, or so I've been told), I just don't know how to bring it out.

I've realized that this post went in multiple directions, sorry. That's how my brain works. So, I'll just finish this by posting that video I wanted to show my students but couldn't.