Making of a Teacher

I thought I'd share my essay here.

Part 1

My field experience has both challenged and confirmed my prior beliefs about teaching in various ways. What has challenged me is the realization that I will, in a sense, continue to "do school." Although Pope addresses the notion of "doing school" in a negative light, the kind of "doing school" I mean here, is comparatively trivial. From waking up at 6am, carrying books to class, eating cafeteria food, to shuffling through smelly, crowded hallways, I found myself reliving my middle school days. Since I can't say that this environment brought back the fondest memories, I slightly questioned if teaching was the route I wanted to take. Another challenge I faced, was one that was met with the students. Although the majority of the class welcomed me as a part of the daily scene, one student gave me a cold shoulder. As students chatted before the beginning of class, I approached two male students who were enthusiastically talking about the Gangnam Style dance-- a dance made popular by a Korean singer on YouTube. When the one student, Nate, mentioned that it was a Japanese artist, I chimed in to tell him that it the artist was actually Korean. Nate looked at me and said, "Yeah. Ok. Bye. Yep. You can go now," and rudely put his hand up in my face. What was this about? What did I ever do to him? At the time this situation bothered me. However, I realize that it is nothing to mull over. Truth is, students aren't always going to be completely accepting of authority figures. Some may be much more aggressive and frank about their rebellious inclinations. In Nate's case, it could have been that he felt peer pressure or even that his actions were simply a reflection of his personality. Either way, I learned to expect and accept that there will be students like Nate, who may not exactly receive me well.

It was my experience in the ESL classroom that confirmed my desire to teach. It only took my first observation of the ESL class and an interview with the teacher for me to realize my strong preference in spending time with ESL students, rather than with my co-op's English class. Fortunately, my co-op was more than willing to let me "escape" her class, in order to gain experience with the school's ESL program/class. The ESL class I observed only had five students. Because of this, I found it easier to connect to the students by having one-on-one interactions and attending to individual needs. In the process, I was able to learn about each student and their cultural backgrounds and even learn bits of their language. There was an evident sense of community and respect in the class, which I believe resulted not only through class size, but also by the fact that the students understood that they were similar to their classmates. All the students came from and represented different countries, knew a second language, and were here to improve their English ability.  Now, although I've always preferred teaching ESL students, I know that teaching English/Language Arts next semester will give me the basic foundation I need to teach the general population.

Having classmates to exchange stories, advice, and wisdom with has greatly enhanced and shaped my interpretation of the whole field placement experience. My one colleague, Sharron, shared with me a story about her observation on the other student teachers at her school. She told me about a specific female student teacher whom she described as seeming very naive about teaching. She explained how this student teacher would make a loud, silly noise whenever she would fumble over her words. (The exact expression is hard to describe.) In any case, the teacher continued to make this gesture throughout the lesson. Shannon further explained that the student teacher taught an eighty-minute lesson on verbals (a form of a verb). Students began to complain to the head teacher about the student teacher and her lesson. Yikes. Hearing this story gave me an example of what not to do and also made me somewhat more confident in my ability to teach in a professional manner, as well as my ability to create an effective, thoughtful lesson.

My other colleague, Nelly, has also influenced my learning throughout this semester. Nelly and I not only shared many of the same classes, but also met regularly after class to discuss our field experiences, class assignments, and the like. I learned through her that teachers all have different styles of doing what they do. While my co-op was flexible and relaxed, her co-op was more rigid and structured. While my co-op stuck to teaching English, her co-op participated in clubs and sport activities after school. Between hearing from Nelly about her teaching and observing my own co-op and other teachers, I learned that teachers have different levels of engagement within their school and that teachers have different styles of teaching-- styles that can be equally effective. Through Shannon, Nelly, and other classmates, my fears and insecurities about teaching have been diminished due to the support that I was given by them.

Part 2

One of the struggles I faced during my field experience was my inability to be myself in front of the classroom. I felt more that I was performing, rather than teaching. My true personality wasn't able to come out in the class for two main reasons. First of all, I was a guest. I tended to keep to myself and remain neutral; I tended to shy away from the spotlight of the class and remain a bystander Secondly, I am naturally a soft-spoken person. Therefore, being paired with my loud, witty, and boisterous co-op was an eye-opener. I began to realize that I could not be this passive, quiet teacher that I was being. My students needed more. My students needed to see enthusiasm and energy from me; they needed to see my passion.

From realizing all these things, I believe that I am ready for student teaching. I am much more prepared to teach and to teach with passion. Although I cannot completely change my personality, I will make it a goal in the next semester to really push aside my soft-spoken nature in order connect with my students better. I believe that there is only one simple step in meeting this goal-- be myself. Now, that I will be assuming a greater role as a teacher next semester and for a longer time, I recognize that there will not be time to be reluctant and passive. It's time to hit the ground running!

A shocking connection

So on the drive home today I made one of those connections that only an English teacher could make. My roomie and I were rocking out to some Mumford and Sons and she happened to put on the song "Little Lion Man". I can't tell you what made me think of it at the moment the song started to play, but for some reason Hamlet popped into my head. And I realized that the song was pretty much the entire play condensed into just over 4 minutes. My roommate looked at me like I grew a second head because I literally started freaking out, but it was so worth it. Just had to share, even though I don't know if anyone is still on here!

Link: http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=little+lion+man&oq=little+lion&gs_l=youtube.1.0.0l10.531.4417.0.5750.19.12.3.4.5.1.246.1259.7j4j1.12.0...0.0...1ac.1.whbNNEFXo6Q

Lyrics:http://www.lyricsmania.com/little_lion_man_lyrics_mumford_and_sons.html

MONEY!

Hi everyone, well I hope everyones last week went well. Here is a website that I encountered where teachers pay teachers for their unit plans, lessons, only if their great of course. I seen a youtube clip of a teacher who sold a lot of her material on this website and she made a lot of money.


http://www.teacherspayteachers.com/


-Stay in touch everyone as we enter out last semester at Millersville.

We did it together

It’s hard to believe that we met for our last class. The beginning of the semester always feels like a long, dark tunnel, but once we start seeing the light at the end it’s over.

I know in talking with all of you on one occasion or another, we’ve all had a challenging semester. I know we were told we were the “pioneers,” which was a privilege to pave the way for others, yet at the same time it seemed like a burden. It took a lot of work to complete our hours, prepare for the content and the lesson plans in our mentor teacher’s classroom, keep up with our assignments and expectations of our Millersville professors, and work on very demanding summative projects.

We made it through, but we didn’t do it on our own. There were a number of you who I kept in contact with throughout the semester. We exchanged many phone calls and text messages at all hours of the day and night. We accomplished what we accomplished because we became a support system for one another. We encouraged one another and helped one another when we became confused or overwhelmed. I hope we can continue to do so as we enter into our student teaching, and when we finally become “real teachers.”

 

 

Reflection - 50 Shades of Grey

So after our in depth conversation today about informing parents about what their children were reading, I had much to think about on the way home.  Putting on my mommy hat, I assure you even if my daughter was 18 years old I would want to know if she was reading that book.  I remember my mom finding out that I was reading Christopher Pike books in high school and she flipped out on me.  She only had to read the first page of chapter 1 to know that it was NC17 content.  My parents were good parents and steered me in the right direction about making good moral decisions. 

BUUUUTTTTT - as a teacher, I am somewhat torn.  Yes, under normal circumstances I think it is our moral obligation to inform parents of what their children are reading.  I think that we need to be teaching our students to read "good" literature that is appropriate for their age.  HOWEVER - here is my dilemna....what if it is a student not in a "normal circumstance".  What if we know their home life is not good?  What if we know that their parents could care less that they are reading let alone what they are reading?  What do we do?  Is it appropriate for them to be reading it at school - no...but when do we choose not to send the email or make the phone call and just pull the student aside and talk to them about their book choice?  Thinking about some of the struggling students who do not have a lot of support at home - should we just be happy they are reading?  I have not read this book and have only know it to be "mommy porn", but is it that bad that it is completely hands off to students?  Maybe someone who has read it can weigh in on the details of the book, but again I am torn.  Are there moments when we don't involve parents and try to offer the student something else to read and ask them not to bring it to school? 

SO I am not sure if anyone is still blogging here, but if you are and want to let me know your thoughts that would be great.  I am still stuck on this idea of should we tell ALL parents. 

Final Thoughts

The conversation we had today sparked some thoughts. As we talked about the moral responsibilities of a teacher, I reflected on the experience I had during my field placement.

One day, as my co-op and I were grading, my co-op handed me a student's draft of a memoir and said, "take a look at this." What I ended up reading, was a memoir of a girl's experience with bullying. I don't remember every detail at this point, but I do remember what was probably the biggest blow for her. As she was walking in the hallway one day, a male student behind her said something like, "No one likes you. There's no point of you being here." This is probably not the exact wording. However, I know that I whatever it was, surprised me in its brutality. I sighed as I handed back the memoir to my co-op. The girl that wrote this memoir was a sweet, friendly girl. I would have never thought that she would be a victim of bullying and that she would start questioning her existence. How sad.

My co-op seemed to brush it off at that moment-- not that she didn't recognize the weight of the matter. Looking back, I wished I would have asked how she planned to deal with this. Although, I have full confidence that my co-op dealt with it appropriately.

Thoughts...

So I've been kind of terrible at posting on here. I don't really know why; maybe because, like Kim said in a post, I tend to be introverted. I think inside my head more than is probably healthy, as weird as that sounds. I think, in a way, it stems from being an English major, which I've been pretty much since I learned to read in kindergarten. Growing up loving books and the written word can really make you an outsider, as I'm sure most of you know.

From the time I started to read, I have almost universally craved books over anything else, even the company of real, live people (my mother assures me that this is not normal). I remember how excited I would get about specific books, but how I really had no one to share them with. Eventually, I learned to keep my thoughts to myself because I could go on about books for hours, but people just looked at me strangely. It got to the point where I realized that since I was, for all intensive purposes, talking to myself, I may as well just talk to myself, a habit I have yet to break to this day.

As I got older, I found a few people who loved reading as much as I did and I was finally able to have some conversations about books. But even then, I would still rather be reading than talking. I would shut myself in my room for hours a day and just read. Because even though I had found these people, I was so used to the internal conversations and observations that I just kept at it. There was something different about the conversations, too; I read for the pleasure, but I also found myself analyzing a lot. The other people were just reading, and that was good, but it wasn't what I was doing. I was able to see and understand concepts that most others couldn't.

I guess in a way, I've always been an English teacher. But before I started my English Ed courses, no one really had a clue what I saw in books or what I was talking about when I started to analyze them. And I know that you guys see what I see and more, so I am not in any way trying to slight you. It's just when you've spent most of your life living in your head because of your passion, it's a hard habit to break even when you find others as passionate as you.

So that's kind of why I don't talk much and why I haven't really done too much on this blog. I don't know if it makes much sense. but it seemed like other people were kind of doing thoughtful rants, so I thought I'd give it a go.

The Making of a Teahcer

 As far as I'm concerned, being a teacher means taking care of student needs. To me, it is obvious that students everywhere have problems and questions and fears and hopes and that any effective teacher should aim to listen and help students with those parts of their lives. The thing that I love about this age group of adolescents is that they are all trying to define themselves and figure out the world. As they journey to develop an understanding of how they fit into the world, there is no greater joy or job for a teacher than to facilitate that exploration. This semester has confirmed my beliefs that I am so ready to be a teacher of students and to enjoy the great privilege of observing kids work through the big questions of life.

The books and assignments from my courses this semester helped me to better understand the logistics of managing a classroom, incorporating technology and creating lesson plans that support the learning of all students. However, the thing that set my heart on fire for this profession were my interactions both in the classroom and in the field. Being able to share my passion for learning and see it reflected in my peers and in active educators was so inspiring and motivational and invigorating. The most brilliant thing I have ever done was decide to be a teacher because there is something so amazing about witnessing learning in action. The beauty of recognition dawning on the faces of students as they grasp a new concept or when you get to witness them growing as individuals is reason enough to get up every day at five thirty.

As an individual I have been known to be introverted and cynical but this semester I have learned that as a teacher I am optimistic and eager to speak to students about their ideas. Teaching is one of the very few activities in which I can be in a room full of people and not feel completely out of place and uncomfortable. So in spite of my lack of outgoing nature, I think I am ahead of the curve compared to those lively, charismatic people who do not really know themselves because I can undoubtedly look in the mirror and know I am looking at a teacher.

My ultimate goal in life is to be better for myself and for my future students by learning all I can and that goal has become the core focus of my observations in the world. How can I share this with my students? What kinds of students in what kinds of situations would benefit from this idea of text or image? Those questions have become an underlying heartbeat to my existence. My enthusiasm for teaching powers me through the days, but my hopes for students have often made me an overly ambitious, self internalizing softy.

I want so badly for every class to have a significant impact and I want students to care about every idea and learn every lesson they can. I am so invested that I often take it too hard when students do not care about a certain poem or I feel like I have failed them when they don’t comprehend my explanation. Furthermore, it is also hard for me to be stern when they need it because I am afraid of chastising them to harshly or making them feel unfairly targeted. 

My goals for professional development while student teaching are to toughen up and stop being so hard on myself when things don’t go quite as planned. Sure, I want every student to succeed but I need to understand be strict is sometimes necessary instead of allowing a class to get out of hand because I’m too afraid to be the bad guy. I also need to remind myself that not every student cares about my subject or about school and they are dealing with different issues and concerns and dreams that have nothing to do with me or my class. I will work to understand who my students are and where they are coming from and to care about the big picture first.

My subject and content are important but there a things that are necessary for anyone to lead a healthy life and those need to be ever present in my mind. Students could benefit from understanding archetypes and plot devices but learning to show and earn respect are essential to a happy and successful existence. My goal is to prioritize and remind myself that learning how to communicate and interact with others is more of an asset to my students than alliteration or Shakespeare. In short, my goals are to be forceful when I need to and always put the needs of my students before the learning objectives in a lesson plan.

What Teachers Make....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxsOVK4syxU

I am not sure if you ladies ever ran into this video but if you ever get upset or disappointed at the amount of pay teachers make, watch this video. This video is inspirational because it brings us back to the nature of why we are going into this profession- for the students.

Hope it puts a smile on your face.


-Nelly

The Raven

The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe.
This is The Simpsons version of The Raven. I am using it in my unit plan. I thought it was cute and could maybe make you all smile late in the semester! :)

http://teachertube.com/viewVideo.php?video_id=251203

Giving back.

The day before Thanksgiving I received an email. Let me back up a bit. Amy and I were talking one day and she mentioned that she had asked her co-op for a recommendation letter. I said "oh thats such a good idea," I really didn't. I just remembered my last day in the classroom.

My last day I was finishing a lesson on an article on insanity that the students had to read than talk about their annotations. We then took an insanity verbal quiz that they loved! (Why didn't I think of this before!) Sam, who became one of my most memorable students because I got her to get out her comfort    was really into this insanity quiz and was participating a lot. I loved that! She never participated with my co-op and here every other question she raised her hand and share. And at one point, another student Brooke (who was so funny) said out loud, come on Sam, this is a safe classroom." Then the whole class started cheering for Sam. That is ACE! Meaning amazing for the class to be so supportive. There was one answer that Sam did not want to answer because it was about naming a certain possession of hers; her bike. EVeryone was curious and eager to know what she named her bike. It was great and funny after we all heard it, even my co-op who was not in the circle discussion was curious to know. That felt great! Oh, how I loved that week. I brought in Oreo and chocolate chip cookies that everyone, literally everyone had. It was nice.

Anyway, back to the day before Thanksgiving. After the conversation with Amy, I always had that in back of my mind, to email my co-op and get a recommendation letter from him, but always forgot when I was on my email or got too busy with other work. So then the day before Thanksgiving, I got an email from my co-op!!! The subject on the email said "Happy Thanksgiving." I got so excited! It said:
Dear Nelly, 

I wanted to thank you for the great gifts (books) for the kids and for the thoughtful note you wrote. I'd like to think we in education can find the right way to entice someone with as much to give as you can to stay in the field. If you need a letter of support or recommendation please let me know and I will take care of it."

Isn't that nice! It is all about giving back. And thats my lesson. 

What do these movies have in common?

 

What  do all these  great  movies have in common?

On Saturday I attended the National Multicultural Association of Education Conference in Philadelphia. It was a three day conference but only went for two days because of class but I am so glad that I went. I sat in some great sessions such as a differentiation instuction session where teachers from Chicago, New York, sat in too and afterwards had a meaningful discussion as to other examples of including DI in the classroom. There were other sessions going on at the same time as the DI one, but I knew that I was still having trouble coming up with ideas on how to include DI in my unit plan so it was the one I had to sit in. Another session I went to was on movie clips to include in your lesson plans  that will enhance student discussion and learning. So the presenter started off by showing us three 40 second clips from the Blindside, and then we had a discussion based off the topic of the clips. The questions were pre-made by the presenter which was nice because it gave us a focus of what angle to see the clip from. From a 40 sec. clip from the Blindside answers varied but were so debatable. Some teachers in this session loved the idea but not everyone. One teacher who didn't said she wouldn't show this clip from the Blindside, or Dangerous Minds, or The Help because its teacher our youth (specifically in an Urban school) who their savior is...a white lady. I have never seen it like this ever!!! So it went way past my mind that in all of these great movies that I love so much (except Dangerous minds because I've never seen it) there is a White Lady always saving the minority students. And it keeps on happening. The lady against these movies said it just isn't right that it always has to be like that. There is a lot of research and articles, debates on this issue. Does it mean these Urban students dont have any other people to look to when it comes to trying to get out of their situations to somewhere safer and better? Then when I try to think of movies that do not involve a white lady saving the Urban students, I cant really think of many. Is this an issue?

Who I Am

          I have probably been the worst at keeping up with making contributions to this blog, which is not surprising since it is not a form of reflection that falls within my comfort zone. I am rather introverted and my introspection remains mostly inside my head. Two of the best words I think that people have described me as are wallflower and sponge, I soak up as much as I can watching and listening and comparing and reflecting without much of an urge to add anything unless I feel my unique perspective will truly add something useful. Honestly, if it weren't for teaching I would probably be a complete recluse but for some reason despite my awkward loner nature teaching makes me whole. Teaching is one of the very few activities in which I can be in a room full of people and not feel completely out of place and uncomfortable.
          Even as I'm writing this I am not sure what the point of this entry is except to push myself outside of my comfort zone in hopes that it will help me to expand as a functional human being and develop my professional teaching self into the best manifestation of Ms. Pugh that I can. That really is my ultimate goal, to be better for myself and for my future students and that goal has become the heart of my observation of the world. How can I share this with my students? What kinds of students in what kinds of situations would benefit from this idea of text or image? Those questions have become an underlying heartbeat to my existence and I guess that means the the best word to describe me is no longer sponge or wallflower but teacher. So in spite of my lack of outgoing nature I think I am ahead of the curve compare to those lively, charismatic people who do not really know themselves because I can undoubtedly look in the mirror and know I am looking at a teacher.

Renaissance Faire

I totally forgot to write about a field trip I experienced during my placement at Cedar Crest High School. It worked out that my last day of placement was on the same day the classes were taking a field trip to the Renaissance Faire which is located between Lebanon and Lancaster. During my placement, the English classes were studying Edgar Allan Poe. The students read a variety of his work including his biography, Masque of the Red Death, The Black Cat, The Bells, etc...

So the English classes traveled to the Renaissance Faire. We got to see different performances of Edgar Allan Poe's work.It took place in one of the vintage buildings. The students were engaged and intrigued because of the live performances. I also think it helped that they read the different texts before hand because then they used their prior knowledge during the performances. My cooperating teacher said they have been doing this field trip for a number of years. When we went to leave, the students made comments like "Is it already over? Can we come back again? What other performances do they do?" This showed that the students enjoyed the field trip.

I just wanted to share this with you all. Maybe if you become a teacher in the area, you could incorporate a field trip to the Renaissance Faire sometime! I would also recommend going just for an enjoyable day out! www.parenfaire.com/

Teacher Responsibility We May Not Think About ...

While doing research and gathering information concerning adolescent behaviors for a final project for another class, I came across a PBS video that is worth watching. The title of the video is Cry For Help. The content of the video involves the issues surrounding teen depression and suicide. It reveals information about mental illnesses in teens by focusing on two high schools that go to great effort to identify teens at risk and the preventive measures they have employed through school wide programs.

Throughout the video school officials, counselors, teachers, and adolescent behavior experts give commentary. They give valuable advice on warning signs and signals to watch for in high school students — things we need to be aware of as future teachers.

In addition to all the before mentioned, Cry For Help recounts real-life tragic events, by means of commentary and the use of media clips, that occurred at high schools over the years as a result of the actions of teens who suffered from mental illnesses. One of the instances involved the horrific tragedy that occurred at Columbine High School, and the events leading up to that day. What stuck out to me the most — my main point of sharing this with all of you — is the fact that prior to that awful day one of the young men involved in the massacre had written a creative writing piece for a class. The piece eerily foreshadowed what was to come in describing a scene in gory detail. The teacher, who had given the writing assignment, graded the paper and wrote comments on the creativeness of the student writer; although the teacher felt they were gruesome, the teacher also remarked on the use of vivid details.

Sadly, the paper by this student was brought to light only after the horrible events of that day occurred. I, like I am sure many others, had to question why this did not send up “red flags” for the teacher. In asking students to write creatively we want to see them reach deep and write with meaning. Often times, and what is hoped for, is that this allows them to open up and share feelings and thoughts through their writing — reveal things about self through writing. This made me think about the responsibilities we will assume as future English teachers when we ask our students to produce writing. Those responsibilities will go beyond “the bones” of grading if we come across something that could indicate serious issues.

So, over three-hundred words later, my point is we need to be good at what we’re going to teach — we get that. Yet, in addition to the skills we need to teach content we also need to have an awareness of adolescent issues and how to recognize those possible “red flags” we may come across when reading our student’s work.

Sorry, I Tend to Rant

I always thought the hardest part of teaching for me would be to actually get up and teach. While it was still hard for me to actually be in front of a group and talk, I found out the hardest part is adapting. 

You have all these plans you make. You have all of these worksheets and projects you feel will help your students. But something happens and you're suddenly forced to change your schedule up or remove something from the plan. It's really frustrating. 

The other part of that is working with what you have. Now, while I was able to work around my teacher having no technology, it was frustrating and annoying because there were times I knew a youtube clip would help the students get something. For example, I was going over Puck's final speech in A Midsummersnight Dream to a group of Freshmen who had never read the play (I was teaching Dead Poets Society and the speech is very important to a character). What I really wanted to do was to show them a clip from The Animaniacs where they "translate" what is being said. While the clip is humorous, it really does get down to what the speech is saying. Since I couldn't do that, I tried breaking it down line by line with the students. It was like pulling teeth with them. And I really feel like they would have gotten it if I had shown them the clip. But I know things like that will happen, and I'll have to get over it.

What I'm really worried about is not being able to open up. I have this thing (it's rather annoying) where I feel like I'm not allowed to speak. I don't know why or when this really started, but I just have a voice in my head that says "Shut up Jess, no one wants to hear it." Needless to say, it's rather hindering and annoying. Especially when you want to teach your students to express themselves. How am I do to that when I'm too afraid to do it myself? I want to be this spontaneous and open teacher. And those who get to know me know that I have the potential to do it (I'm apparently very amusing to listen to, or so I've been told), I just don't know how to bring it out.

I've realized that this post went in multiple directions, sorry. That's how my brain works. So, I'll just finish this by posting that video I wanted to show my students but couldn't. 

Freedom Writers

Last night I sat down and Freedom Writers happened to be on television. I wasn't planning on watching it because I had a million other things to do. Needless to say, I watched the whole movie without moving. I am sure most of the class has seen the movie, but if you haven't I recommend you watch it sometime soon. And if you have seen it, you should watch it again! It is raw but enlightening. I love how the main character and teacher, Erin Gruwell, is passionate and determined. Instead of just giving up on her students, she fights for each and every one of them. She is innovative and creative. She knows that what other teachers have been doing for these students just is not working. She knows she needs to reach them in another way. This movie is great because it is an English content, but I believe any teacher could learn from watching this movie. I am inspired in one way or another every time I watch this movie. Erin Gruwell always has her students in mind when she is teaching. As I am working on my unit plan, I realize I need to keep my students in mind for each aspect of the unit plan. Just my thoughts... :) 

What I wasn't Prepared For

I'm not blind- I've known for a long time that I'm incredibly fortunate. My family of four is still in one piece and not only do we love eachother, but usually we really like eachother too.We've lived in the same house in a beautiful suberban neighborhood for my entire life. My sister and I went to school in the Pennridge School District, which is not struggling even under the budget cuts, and are both now in college for what we love. Money is often a bit tighter than we might prefer, but there's always an abundance of food, our sturdy little house with all the utilities, three cars (plus dad's work van) and every year there are colorfully wrapped presents under the tree. I'm not unaware of the number of blessings are listed just in those few sentences, and that's the quickest of glances. I've long known that many aren't as lucky- not one of my best friends (huge blessings there too) get along with their parents 97% of the time like I do, and more than half of their families are split in some manner. I knew these things, but I knew nothing. Even while ministering to my friends, even while my house is and has long been the 'safehouse' for more than a few people, I never quite understood, never felt the harshness that life could deal out, the effect of truely and resoundingly bad shenanigans (as opposed to normal bad shenanigans which pale in comparison).

Placement changed that- or started to. In keeping with the harshness of such realities, there were times when it was way too much, when I didn't know what to do and was drowning. Three classes- in each more than half the students knew someone who had been raped, someone who'd been kicked out of their homes by their parents and someone who was no longer living. Then later coming in just one schoolday after the unexpected and senseless (a tree he was cutting with his family fell on him) death of a student- who was in one of my classes. That was the only day that I actually felt like an interloper, unwanted and unwelcome (not through any malice or intention, that's just the way it was). The emotional razors embedded in essays- every mention of the tragety slicing at my already breaking heart. Leaving the room as one student shared something in her journal with Mrs. Schober, something that was most certainly bad shenanigans. Hearing two beautiful young women tell of the time they each spent on the streets as 'runaway' teens, unwelcome at home for days or a week or more and of the horrific things their mothers have said to them. Reading a bound book- the stories of last year's junior comm class. The daily difficulties and tragedies. Mrs Schober arriving one morning tearful and exhausted by a sleepless night rocked by a personal crisis, and leaving after 2nd period, unable to stay. Dozens of concerned queries "Where's Mrs Schober?" and all I can say is "She didn't feel well so she went home." It's not enough, but they accept it.

For each weight, each rocking disturbance of my suberban, working class breaking into lower middle, sheltered, conception of the natural order of things, there was a hope far exceeding the bad shenanigans that might have obscured it. 20 teens 'Together as One' to start and advocate for 'Building Hope' a program and, with luck, eventually a shelter for 'runaway' teens in Lancaster. Stories of bad shenanigans piling utop one another, all ending with "it was bad, but it's getting better," "it is bad but I'm stronger for it," and "I will overcome." Two classes together producing memorial sweatshirts at blinding speed, in time for the heavily altered fieldtrip (everyone agreed that visiting the Holocaust Museum, Arlington, and the Vietnam War Memorial the day after the funreal was a bad idea, so we went to the zoo, then had the option to go to the Holocaust Museum or do a scavenger hunt on the Mall). Teachers and students alike smiling a the antics of sea lions and elephants all clad in the bright gold sweatshirts. Midsummer's Night Dream performed with a "white trash" twist, or set "in the 'hood."

It seems that in school, like theatre, "the show must go on"  but always it continues mindfully, aware of why it must and why it mightn't feel right.

Challenging Your Students

My experience in the classroom as a substitute has always been to "fly by the seat of your pants".  Walking into the classroom, not knowing what I will be teaching until 5 minutes before the bell rings has been my experience.  Many times I am in for the same teachers so throughout the year I get to know the students and I have become a familiar face for many of the students and teachers.  However, my experience has always been limited to 3 or 4 days maximum in a classroom.  So I often see the start, middle, or end of projects/units very rarely do I ever see them from start to finish.

I am so glad that I had this opportunity in the classroom. Not only did I read an entire play/book with students, but I was able to see their growth as readers.  My co-ops classes consist of mostly low level students.  Very few aspire to goto college, many of them goto the vo-tech for most of their day and have little vision of what their future will be after graduation.  However, in my short time there, I struggled seeing the potential many of the students have with no one to push them further, or atleast it is how I perceived it.  Students became engaged when reading and enjoyed what they were reading, but I wish that more would have been done to challenge what they could do.  There were tests and quizzes and graded worksheets, but very few project based learning took place.  Yes they were a tiresome group some days that pushed the teacher to her limit, but when the students finished reading an entire play, they were given a test and moving on to the next thing the day after.  I asked if more would be done with the play but was simply told - I have too much that I have to accomplish with them this semester and I don't think they could handle it anyway. 

Another moment that really let me down was after talking to one of the students in class that wrote constantly in a notebook during class.  He was a good student and participated, doing well on his tests and quizzes.  So my last week there he and some other students came over to talk to me at the end of class.  I asked him what he was writing in his notebook.  He told me he was writing a book series of 3 books.  He started to tell me what it was about.  I asked if he had finished any of the books yet and he said only one is written so far, but the rest was "up here" (pointing to his head).  The bell rang and he left, I commented how great that was to my co-op.  Her response to me was - "Just because he is writing it doesn't mean it is any good."  I think by my facial expression she could tell that I was offended by her comment.  She has made it clear to me on other occassions that she prefers her "honors" kids and doesn't enjoy teaching the lower level kids as much.   She is fair and well liked by the kids and does a good job with her classes, but I was disappointed that she didn't push the lower kids. 

For me, I have used this time in the classroom to reflect on what type of teacher I want to be.  I know we all have our capes on and want to go out and change the world as new teachers.  This scares me in many ways, but I have realized how scared these kids must be.  Do we not push the lower kids because their test scores say not to? Do we teach them that they are only able to handle so much information and can't be challenged?  I often was asked to work with kids who missed school, or were sitting in ISS for the day, or who needed to make up a test, or who needed the test read to them.  It was frustrating to know how much they understood, and what they didn't know because they slept through class that day.  I often had conversations with them about what grade they would have if they just stayed awake.  For me many of these kids were capable, but just weren't given the opportunity to be pushed. 

Sorry It’s Over …

Looking back on it, I can’t believe how fast our time in the field flew by. I was really sorry to have it end. I was beginning to feel “settled in” and was getting comfortable in my “almost teacher” shoes. I left my field assignment with mixed feelings of sadness in leaving and excitement for what is yet to come (Did I say excitement? I really meant fear!)

I feel very blessed to have had Mr. G. for my co-op. From day one he was feeling me out as far as my goals and ambitions were concerned. He was eager to guide me—notice I didn’t say lead. He showed me how he did things and was open to some of the new ideas I brought with me as a student. He introduced me to many other teachers in the English department, a few of who he made arrangements for me to spend time with them in their classrooms. They were equally kind and eager to share with me their methodology.

Unfortunately, many of the new technologies for the classrooms that we have been learning (struggling to learn) my co-op is unable to implement. The technology security at the school doesn’t allow for much other than emails and Moodle. Of course they have internet access, but for security purposes many things are blocked; therefore, some of the amazing things available in technology that we have been hearing about and learning are non-available to my co-op. Yet, he manages to be an incredible teacher who engages his students in many ways, even without all the “cutting edge” technology.

One of the most important things that stands out about my co-op is that his students genuinely like him and respect him. It’s not a sense of obligation in their role as a student—they just simply like the man. This is evident in their cooperation, their willingness to work, and their drive to do well (most of the time).

My last day—the students didn’t know it was my last day till the end of the class periods—after I finished teaching a lesson one of the students commented on the lesson. He said he“thought it was awesome.” It made me feel great and at the same time made me want to cry because I knew I would be leaving. At that point Mr. G. informed them that I would be leaving them and returning to Millersville. A big “awwwhhh” was expressed by the students, which made me realize they must have come to like me a little bit too. But, the thing that really touched my heart was when the one student said, “But Mr. G. can’t we keep her?!”

 

 

 

Coldplay

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqWLpTKBFcU

This music video is titled The Scientist by Coldplay. The video depicts a man who is dealing with the loss of a girlfriend from a car crash. The music video is played backwards. In the video, the motif is the use of lines. I also liked this music video because it shows a reality for teenagers about the dangers and potential heartache of driving. My cooperating teacher used this music video to better explain what a motif is. The class was studying Edgar Allan Poe who often uses motifs in his works. Instead of just jumping into the text, Mr. Schwalm asked if I thought it would help to show a music video and see if students could identify the motif in the music video. I said absolutely. I knew the music video could be a mentor text. Even though the music video only lasted about 3 minutes, the students were attentive and eager to see the video. It was something different and unexpected so it caught their attention. Just thought I would share this teaching experience with you. :)

ONe on One

This one student touches my heart, she is ridiculously rude, she is always in trouble, usually getting suspended.  But I do not want to give up on her like the others.  I sat her down and spoke to her and told her to be honest with me.  I told her that when I look at her I see me, I see potential in her and why will she not let it shine.  She put her head down, I said what do you like about school, she said IDK.  I told her to be honest with me, she told me she liked socializing, nothing else appealed to her.  I asked her what were her goals and aspirations, she wants to be a counselor.  I then said I am not sure but can counselors have jail records, can they be fighters, in which she looked up at me with a bashful face and said no.  I told her she was smart and stayed on top of her in class, I spoke to her like the human she was.  I watched her blossom, she has moved up in her English class from behavior to AP and I feel like a proud mommy.  I watched her behavior transform.  She is currently upset that I am leaving, I do not want to give up on her.  I want to stay connected with her because I can see how she is capable of great things, she just needs someone else to believe in her.... and I do!

Reflection

I have grown and learned so much from this experience, I know what kind of teacher I want to be.  I know how I want to manage my class, the kinds of relationships I want to have with my students.  Honestly, I have connected with many students, the ones close to my heart are the ones with behavior problems, I see me in them.  I know they can make it, they can do it and I tell them that.  They know I am genuine and that is why they don't want me to leave, which adds to why I do not want to leave.  My heart is pained in that this process has to end, especially when I do not want it to.........
: (

frustrated

So on 10-29-12

I was astonished and finally hit with reality and ALMOST wanted to run away from this profession.  Not because of the lower level behavior problem students, or because it is not yet my classroom.  But because the superintendent.  My teacher co-teaches with another student and they work hard with the students in their classroom.  They do not believe in detention because they believe it causes resentment and makes it more difficult to create a learning experience.  We were ready House on Mango Street and the superintendent and principal walked in, through class, which students became off task.  I was writing on the board and in a personal email to my teacher, the superintendent said that I had misspelled a word and how it was frustrating for him.  He said that I had no space between A and lot, in which I did.  I typed it in word, it automatically spaces if not given a space, and pops up red if re-edited.  I do not understand why I received a hit simply because my teachers did.  He also said that the students were rowdy, but these are behavior students, they were quietly reading along, asking questions, this was normal classroom behavior.  He also said that they were not engaged, but if we are reading a book, how engaged can they really get, while reading...?  My teachers were both so upset about the review that affects them, that neither will teach behavior students next year.  Is this the solution to knock teachers, who try and are stressed out but still come in everyday ready to teach?  WHY is our system so broken?  The only other solution the school seems to have is suspend them----NOT the solution.  When they are suspended they are not allowed to make up any work, AGAIN the WRONG answer!!!!!!!!!
This profession sucks, but I love the students